Same as it ever was

Ok, I tried.

I tried to be nice to the Red Sox in my last blog. But it’s hard to be nice to a team that has called itself “idiots”, and then goes about its daily business trying to prove the nickname is real.

Yes, yes—Theo Epstein is back as GM. The stars in the Red Sox Nation are aligned again, and the chowderheads are once again spouting off like they actually won a divisional title or something.

Sure, they won a World Series. But like my pappy always told me, “Even a blind pig finds a root every now and then”.

The Red Sox are currently blowing their deal for Coco Crisp by refusing to send a native chowderhead, Manny Delcarmen, to Cleveland to replace Guillermo Mota’s injured body. Mota was burnt out in two seasons of Dodger setup, and hasn’t been the same since he was traded to the Marlins.

Funny, his follow-up act, Eric Gagne, has been hurt, too. Maybe someone should come up with a new stat for managers—percentage of pitching staff that is injured under them.

The Dodgers would be high on that list, but Dusty Baker and the Cubs would be challengers, too.

Anyway, back to Boston. They don’t have a center fielder, or a shortstop yet. Mike Lowell is set to man third base—after a horrible hitting year last year. Mark Loretta is set to start at second, after an injury year. JT Snow is slated for first, where he will begin to collect his Social Security checks soon. Varitek and Ortiz had career years last year. Trot Nixon is a candidate to be injured, just walking through the parking lot.

And then there’s Manny Ramirez, the Idiot King. Sure, he is a lovable goof who has already probably hit himself into Cooperstown. He also opens his mouth once a week, and creates controversial headlines.

To be fair, it’s the media that makes the headlines, but Manny is a “sitting duck”, as they say in the sharpshooter business. And the Boston media surely are sharpshooters.

The Beantown wonder Peter Gammons often seems nice, but as I have noted in an earlier column, he looks like a cross between The Cryptkeeper and Mr. Rogers. I’d put in a trade request, too, if that dude was hanging out in the locker room when I got out of the shower.

And Gammons is the nice one. No wonder Manny wants out, every other day.

In case you missed my previous column, I have conclusive proof that Boston only won their World Series because Theo Epstein made a deal with the Devil. The link to that column is HERE.

So I ask you, how will the Sox do it again? Theo’s a young man, but you can’t grow a soul back, once you’ve signed it over to The Prince of Darkness.

And no, I don’t mean George Steinbrenner. I think he’s actually a little lower on the list, like the Arch-Duke of Darkness. Because he’s family, he can make deals with The Devil and get away with them, all the time.

But not Theo Epstein. A price must be paid. And when you won’t even throw in Manny Delcarmen, you really don’t deserve a chance at another World Series trophy.

Theo's back, and everything is the same as it ever was. Even The Talking Heads video is selling again. But Johnny Damon's wearing pinstripes, and the Red Sox are looking a third place finish right in clean-shaven face.

Peace-Out
Jim Evans
jevans@baseballdigestdaily.com